!!! happy sunday angels
Today marks over a week since my instagram got hacked. RIPβ° to a real oneπβ π―π¦ lol, I definitely overreacted whilst it was happening but I can't shake the feeling that it was the best time for a restart.
Also I have just finished the first half of a course that im doing and I'm so relieved. It has challenged me more than I could've ever anticipated and I am so greatful for that because being a BA student was really like living life on easy mode.
The thing is, it has dimistified the alure I was chasing with gender studies and left me a little more confused than I originally was. I dont know what I am passionate about, what I want, what will fulfill me, all I know right now is that I love love, I love intimacy, I love passion and the erotic and I love talking about it all at length. it is the only constant pulse that has driven me from point A to B.
Bones and all π¦΄
I am so excited for Taylor Russell and Timmies new cannibalism movie. I've been a fan of Taylor since her performance in Waves (2019) and find her mystique so compelling. also her friendship with Alexa Demie that was birthed from the movie is so sweet and tender and an honour to get glimpses of.
Flesh πͺ
It wouldnβt make sense if I were to speak about cannibalism and not mention this film. The problem is I watched it a while ago and I canβt remember much and am too lazy to watch a 2 hour movie just for this post. So I will be referencing the messages I sent to my friends whilst watching it
they dance to blood orange
#iconic
never trust a man without social media
the plight of white womanhood - i can talk about it for dayz
a good movie will always leave you nauseous.
in hindsight idk if this movie is good, it is very Promising Young Woman-esque soooo other movies that were actually nauseating and good that I recommended: American Animals and Whiplash (i β€ u Miles Teller).
you cannot be sober to romance when you are physically in it
#bring_back_meet-cutes
I have always struggled with where we draw the line at what is moral and immoral. The justification is not standard and is always up for debate. Cannibalism is one of those things I'm often intrigued by. I have never had an impulse to eat someone (I did love biting my friends growing up though), but I always pay close attention to when large masses view something as incomprehensible. As beyond reproach.
Logically love and hate are both children of passion and the opposite of love and hate would be indifference and apathy. So for one to scream at the top of your lungs:
!!! THIS IS DISGUSTING
!!! I WOULD NEVER DO THAT
I can't help but shake that you probably would.
And that's because cannibalism is the height of romance. It is literally the closest you can get to another human. Holding hands, swapping spit and synching breathes just never feel quiet enough.
'everlasting hunger'π€°πΎ
I am still workshopping this idea and it is a project I am committing myself to neatly lie out within the year. I am trying to achieve and understand what it means to have an everlasting desire. When you are hungry to the point of starvation, you eventually reach a level of delusion that will have you hypnotized and tantalised by the thought of maybe not the best (however you may qualify that) food. You crave almost anything and everything, it is illogical. In your rational, nourished and fed mindstate you might think of those foods and be disgusted or indifferent. 9 times out of 10 when you satiate that hunger, it is underwhelming or even worse than that prolonged hunger. That is what I want to understand. When I desire people to the point that it consumes me, my only rational response is to feed that hunger. To uninside the dreams I have made of who that person is, and get to know the reality of them in hopes of feeling full and 10 times out of 10 when i do get to know that person, the reality of them leaves me unsatisfied or disappointed.
When you are hungry and then eat, that hunger disappears. And it's the same for the desire I feel around people. So what would it mean to starve? To feed myself only the idea of the person, making sure never to fall into gluttony and devour every part of them. Like nibbling and snacking on what they put out there into the universe. Can I be content on that alone? It sounds pro-ana but I will workshop that the more I think deeper about this. Maybe moderation is the word I'm looking for. I want to be content with that alone. This might be a return to fantasy and unrequited love, I am not quite sure what it entails just as yet.Β